can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
