I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
