it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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