Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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