They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
