never play flip cup with pint glasses
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
