he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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