Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
