Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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