We're facebook friends in real life
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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