my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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