just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
