So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
