Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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