Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
