Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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