U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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