i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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