dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
