I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
