Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
