You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
