My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
