i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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