just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
