Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
