Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
