pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
