I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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