I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
