ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
