Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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