He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize