You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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