where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
