you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
