We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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