I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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