Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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