i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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