Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
