Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Couch. On fire.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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