Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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