3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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