I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
