Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
