she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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