Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
