I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
