wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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