She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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