I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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