Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
