When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
