sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize