I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
