so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
