Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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