I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
