Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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