I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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