he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
