dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
