I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
