I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
