he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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