How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
