I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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