Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
