You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
