one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
