but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
