Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize